Beryl Tory: The Full Eulogy
The Full Measure
Beryl Tory’s eulogy as supplied by her daughter and read out by Sue at Beryl’s funeral.
Today we have come together to share in the celebration of 87 years of life of Beryl, mum, gran, great gran, aunty, friend.
Beryl in the Bible signifies a precious stone associated with beauty and divine glory
So Buckle down were in for a rollercoaster of a life.
Birth
Born to James William and Vera Emily Weston, a little sister for Maurice, some seven years apart. Vera Beryl Weston, but only known as ‘Beryl’ by all.
Growing up to be a fighter in more ways than one, older brothers can do that to you, help you to stand up for yourself and be strong, Beryl was very sporty as a teenager including cycle racing. When she left school she went to work as a seamstress. She continued to make and mend clothes for us all, as she was very good at sewing, in fact she became very good at all genres of craft you name it she probably did it or tried it over the years at a class or WI event, such was her thirst to learn.
Parents
She met dad Colin aged 17 and by 22 years she was married with a new baby Jenny, two years later Sue and six years after Michael.
Mum and dad had an Avery and bred budgerigars, they both had developed a massive passion for bird watching too, and many and early holiday was spent on a seagull sanctuary island off Barrow in Furness. By 1972 dad decided to go camping and so we went every year for a month in the summer to Europe, whatever you could get in a pillowcase you could take with you but that included all your clothes too, we had the most fantastic and privileged childhood and developed a zest for life, thanks to mum and dad. They would travel out of Europe once Jenny and I had left home. As a family group we would do so much together and happy times continued. Dad died some 36 years ago aged 56 when mum was only 52 but she had already immersed herself in village life and this would keep her going, so let’s go on the journey that celebrates all that you know or don’t know about Beryl.
Moved house
We moved to Kibworth in 1970 onto a new estate, mum soon made friends and loved being a part of village life, having been bought up on a council estate in the city, Kibworth was much smaller in those days with a working farm in the middle. Everyone knew each other and they also knew that you were Beryl’s daughter or son, so no getting away with anything. There was plenty of community spirit and she began her journey to become a huge part of its life, she encouraged us kids to be part of it too.
Mum worked very hard as mother and housewife looking after three children, she had dads dinner on the table for 6pm each evening, as it was in those days, she would walk up the village to shop with a wicker basket, no doubt chatting to everyone as she went.
Fantastic cook
Mum was a fantastic cook, she could do traditional dinners with ease always served at the dining table in tureens, eggs in one, sausage another and mash another, the exception being a Saturday evening when she used the wooden trolley, with a secret draw, this was very special to her as this of course was what she had made from scratch at woodwork night school. The trolley was wheeled into the lounge laden with sandwiches, homemade cakes, trifle and tea and we could eat off our knees whilst watching TV which was our treat. Mum could pick up a cook book and make the most extraordinary cuisine, she would entertain dad’s university students yearly at a dinner party for 10/12 people with exceptional cooking and as kids we longed for them to leave some desserts so we could try them the next morning. She would make jams, marmalade, chutney and mum and dad would brew their own wine. They were both great wine drinkers and many a time over indulged.
As kids if we were ill, it would be tinned Oxtail soup and her favourite a marmalade sandwich, she ate marmalade sandwiches as her go to comfort throughout her life.
Coach & Horses
Mum had her second paid job, in the mid 80’s not for the money but because she was asked to help out as a cook, she worked at the Coach and Horses Pub part time for 10 years as making and serving homemade food for mum this was easy and it was tasty and she loved to do it, you name it she could cook it, we have all inherited the Tory trait of eating and enjoying foods.
Bowls club
New to Kibworth Dad joined the Cricket club and mum the bowls club, then situated behind the fire station. The bowls club became a huge part of her life, she joined the committee, 20 years of it as secretary, and she became president I don’t know how many times, she contributed continually, be it organising or being part of the games, travelling throughout the county and always stepping in when they were short of players. She went to major bowling events as a spectator and supporter of others. Mum won many a trophy and made a huge amount of friends along the way. After dad passed she went to South Africa on a three week bowls tour because she could.
Mum was chosen to be part of the Leicestershire County bowls team and became their president in 2005 which was her greatest bowling accolade; she is wearing her president’s uniform for the last time today.
Mum bought her competitive and fun side to the sport, she would chat with everyone and anyone, she could convince folk’s to join the committee such was her charm, she would always offer lifts and always help. She would always contribute to a raffle, but would always win, such was her luck.
In the care home when she was confused when pushing her wheelchair into the lounge so asked me to stop, she could address everyone with ‘welcome ladies and gentlemen to Goodwood’ and continued to thank them for attending the game. Dementia and hallucination’s made it all very real and she could see things that were not there very vividly, but they were always good and she was back to a place that made her smile, not really sure what the other residents thought, but it made her happy. Always being a leader she would advise care staff of her meetings and when to attend, at one stage asking them to remove the sand from their pockets, fascinating stuff when you try to think where she might have been in her hallucination, she was and could be so funny with it.
Kibworth Carnival committee
Back in the early 70’s I remember the Kibworth Carnival, as a girl guide we would have a float and once again mum was involved on committee, she would support in as many ways as she could, it absolutely bought the village together, the floats were vast, all groups joined in and mum rode on a WI float, when not directing or organising, there was always a princess and prince and a fancy dress competition, a fancy dress pram race from the pubs, stalls, music and a fair, how on earth she and others managed to pull of this feat every year is beyond me, and mum with all her other commitments.
Jumbles in the 70/80’s were a regular Saturday afternoon thing and we would always go, being early for the best picks if mum was organising, once finished we would take home a large bag of goodies, mum would buy us a chocolate bar and for the afternoon, we would try on our purchases, often returning them for the next jumble as they didn’t fit, then sit down for the afternoon matinee on BBC2 of a Rodgers and Hammerstein classic or blockbuster film, hence the love of musical theatre that mum had and we have too. Mums choose the entry and exit music for today.
Last Minute Theatre
Mums love for music has been there all her life, the theatre productions being her favourite, along with classical, she loved a live performance taking grandchildren with her to share in her passion and she was part of a musical group where you just sat together and listened, her CD collection being vast.
Dad trod the boards before mum and once together they starred in productions together. For a shy man I was always surprised that dad did this, however he later stopped but mum carried on. She was the founding member in 2000 of The Last Minute theatre group in Kibworth, Mum fitted in well, casting was always for mum about being the comedienne, dressing up as a baby, acting the fool, she loved these rolls and the theatre company loved her. She often didn’t get her words right but would adlib and still make the audience laugh, she had always loved singing, she had been in a choir in her younger days, and always sung in a soprano voice in church, which everyone could hear. However on stage she excelled, out poured her talent as an actress, her littleness was always the butt of a joke and she could take it and laugh along with them, such was her lovely spirit
She was in the chorus line belting out a song or a solo performance, suffice to say she reminds me of the words of Morcambe and Wise ‘mum would be singing all the words but not necessarily in the right order’.
Bats
Mum got the nickname, from family as Batty Bez when she joined the Leicestershire and Rutland bat group in those early pioneering days, being trained to handle bats getting the appropriate licence to do this. I can remember her showing me the little pipistrelle bat that she cared for. Mum had a small circular net of black fine mesh that she would take with her to her talks, she would hang this from a door frame and place a long term care bat in it, so that those attending could get up close and personal, this was always a great hit for people attending. Mum was a member for a number of years and of course was on the committee, doing talks to raise money for the cause, she was very good at talking to people and enjoyed it, she managed to dispel the myths that surrounded bats in those days that ‘bats need friends’.
In 1980 mum and dad bought a cottage in Norfolk with money from dads late auntie Elsie, she had originally moved into our converted dining room for about 5 years, mum was her sole carer until her dementia became too bad and she moved to a care home. Mum was ever the caring person always being there for everyone, we kids were still young, yet she took on Auntie Elsie without hesitation. This shapes you as a child living with an older person and we all developed a love for caring. The cottage in Norfolk was near Hunstanton and best placed for birdwatching, they would visit regularly and rent it out to friends, not the poshest place but a super little two up two down place where relaxation and lots of family memories were made.
Avid readers
After dad passed away mum would just go off for a weekend on her own, stuff to do down there, or just read a book. She was an avid reader of literally everything, history, the royals, butterflies, poems with a thirst for learning, she could read a whole book in a day if she was hooked on the story. Best thing was she remembered so much information and was always a font of knowledge.
Travel
Mum enjoyed holiday’s going all over the world with dad and after dad passed away, New Zealand, Australia, China to name a few, she even went to Iceland for the day, no not the shop, she said the country I’m just going to see it for the day, and she did. Never scared, always sure she could make friends or at least talk with people and she did. As mum travelled around the world she would take notes and photographs, on her return she would turn them into slide show productions and would visit other clubs, WI’s, U3A or just any group who wanted a talk, she could do this easily for an hour and had so many different genres to offer.
u3a
Belonging to the U3A I was reminded that she would help out by finding a good pub for a meal, she would test it out first, and report back if it was a place that they could all go, eating out on her own didn’t bother her, she would always have to have a pudding too and if she went out for a coffee she had to have the obligatory cake.
Kibworth & Smeeton Flowers Show
Mum along with her great friend Joan Spain, started the Kibworth and Smeeton flower show ,must have been in the mid 70’s supported in the day by so many villagers, competing against each other, from their allotments and gardens, including crafts, preserves and cooking and the obligatory for kids, a tray garden or animal made of fruits and veg, yes definitely on the committee, a lot of hard work went into the program of events for the one day a year. The flower show was around for probably 25-30 years. There was always a big raffle and yet again she would win something.
Being so interested in crafts and horticulture no doubt through the flower show experiences Mum joined the Leicestershire judges guild in1989 passing her exams in 1992, she was once again a valued committee member for 22 years and continued to judge for an additional two years. No wonder she knew where all the villages and allotments were in Leicestershire, she was always out judging and supported me to get things right if I was entering competitions, however she didn’t like my pastry, but that’s another story, I didn’t care much for her sponge. She was joint author of the ‘Guild policy of judging gardens and allotments’. She received the highest accolade of becoming an Honorary life member in 2015. I suspect if they had a raffle she would be winning a prize, I’ve never known anyone be so lucky.
Kibworth Grammar School Hall committee
Mum joined the committee to save the ‘Kibworth Grammar school hall’ they had to raise funds to purchase the building for the village, they applied for lottery funding and I know that trying to purchase a property and change its use to suit what was needed for the village was at times a big headache, but she and all the others pulled it off and it became a community centre in 1999 it is still a massive asset for the village today. I think she might have been on committee of the Village hall too.
Church
Mum was a big church goer, dad not so; mum went to church every Sunday, helped with the flower displays as she was an accomplished flower arranger. I don’t believe she was on church committee but I know she was on the burial committee. Mum found a great comfort in church and her beliefs especially after dad died.
She volunteered and eventually organised meals on wheels after volunteering to deliver in her spare lunch times, this was before the Council took over.
Welcome Club
Joan and mum went to and eventually took over the running of the Welcome Club, a place for the elderly to meet in Kibworth once a week, to play dominoes, cards, have a chat, when they moved to the Railway they always had a meal, mum fetched and carried people for as long as she could. Her mum moved to live with her after her father died, the dining room being turned into a bedroom, sounds familiar, she looked after nana for five years, taking her to the Welcome club and out and about with her when she could, looking after an elderly parent is rewarding and frustrating at the same time, and I saw a lot of mum in me when I looked after her, she always promoted nanas independence as I did for mum even though like nana she liked to rebel.
WI
Women’s institute was a huge part of mums life in Kibworth, she would promote the WI at every opportunity, was she on committee, of course she was, was she president, of course she was, just the once, don’t be silly, for years and years, she introduced me to the WI so was her way. Competitions, organising trips, programmes, helping, always helping. Once again she managed to convince others to join the committee, she bought her fun and laughter to this role and was a member for 55 years
Parish Council chairman
I nearly forgot, she was part of the Parish Council for years and yes she was the chairman, we had been talking of all her accomplishments as she had won the inaugural Kibworth and District Chronicle, Richard Darke (Community) award in 2002 for services to the village.
Going to the Queen’s garden party
She said to me, the icing on the cake would be an invite to the Queens garden party. Why not, I thought, and duly wrote to the Queen, I didn’t understand protocol, however with a bit of passing letters round I had a call from mum, she had been invited to the Queens garden party at Buckingham Palace, I acted surprised, yeah I would get to go as well, but mum went on to say that she believed she had been nominated by the parish so she had invited the secretary to join her, ‘oh no, you don’t’ I said, it was me that requested this and we need to go together, she let the secretary down gently and we went and had the most fabulous day together, new frock and hat in attendance were the Queen and Prince Philip, Princess Anne and other royals, we got to stand almost side by side with the Queen, we then had a great weekend of entertainment, a drink or two, a meal, a show and a noisy rickshaw ride to the hotel, very fitting all in all.
Parkinsons
At the Age of 70 mum was diagnosed with Parkinsons, not to dwell on it she openly stated that she had this disease announcing it to all and that if she was not her normal self it was probably a bad day, however she offered to shake the cocktails as she could do this without effort. Without humour this disease could have stifled anyone but not mum, she wasn’t going to let it, and realistically it never got a full hold of her until the last few years or so of life. Even with the Lewis Body dementia she still had us laughing at her anecdotes, although not necessarily true but fun never the less.
Enderby
Leaving Kibworth after 42 years Mum moved to Enderby to live in an adapted bungalow, having all the things she wanted, it was changed entirely, she said that it felt like home, and was for a good 11 years, she moved whilst still able to drive and able to get to clubs both in Kibworth and Enderby. I was her main carer for 5 years with great and invaluable help later on from Tina and Rebecca as between us three we kept her on the straight and narrow, she went out five days a week to care placements as once a social butterfly always a social butterfly.
Oadby
After a three month stay in hospital in 23/24 she moved into The Lawns care home in Oadby. Wow what a place, what great staff, all of them, they made it feel homely, treated mum with great respect and affection, she had tales to tell and she told them, never was a visit made without being told of something that she had said that made them smile. They made me smile too, for the worry of looking after mum had been all but removed and I for one was so comfortable knowing that she was being so well treated. So huge thanks to all the staff, of which I know so many of their names. Also to the residents who look out for each other like a family would.
So to sum up 87 years, how on earth one human of such a small size could pack such a great punch to the world, whilst maintaining a family life is beyond me and I thought I was busy, they always say ask a busy person, and they must have done and she must have always said YES.
At WI last week someone suggested that every village should have a Beryl, boy they’d be so very lucky to have a Beryl like the one that we all knew and loved.
Mum was huge part of our family, no party or family get together or holiday didn’t involve her, she was the first to be in fancy dress and enjoyed the drinks, dancing and company of young people at our parties.
Looking after an elderly relative is difficult but if you’re the one to do it, then you’re the one, mum did it twice, me just the once, the saying ‘like two pea in a pod’ is fitting , except her pod was full to overflowing and I don’t like peas!
I read recently that a sweetheart would write a love letter to the one they loved and that as children we could do that for our parents, so I did this Christmas, it’s a lovely thing to do and something for them to read when they need a boost, I urge you all to consider it.
Mum we as a family are so proud of everything you did for yourself and for all of us and for others. We love you so much and were going to miss you, but we have so many memories that we would never be able to forget you and will treasure you now and forever
You filled your long life so now it’s time to rest, time for your last curtain call, time to put down the last wood to reach 21, time to close the meeting and time to be reunited with dad, he’s been waiting a long time.
Thank you for making us all the people we are today, because we had you in our lives. If you were the best raffle prize then we all won, you are the greatest and best mum, grandma and great grandma of all.
Every village needs a ‘Beryl’
A Toy For All Seasons
