Well, at this time of year, we would ‘normally’ have just finished Panto and hopefully brightened a dull and dark January for our audiences. As we obviously can’t perform at present, we thought the following would lighten our way towards Spring!

The Amusing world of Amateur Drama

The amusing world of amateur drama.

1.  John and Nigel were playing the horse in the local Panto. When they agreed to take the part, they had forgotten about the Saturday Matinee. Normally they would be supporting their local football team. They met up with friends in the pub to discuss the match they had just missed due to the matinee.  The drinks flowed freely after a convincing victory when Nigel suddenly realised they were due on stage. He stumbled back to the theatre to be greeted by the stage manager who yelled “You’re due on in a minute and you’re ruddy well paralytic!”  “You think I’m paralytic?” replied Nigel “You should see the back end of the horse – he thinks he’s got lines and he’s trying to remember them!”

2.  An andram group were putting on ‘Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves’ at Christmas. As it was only a small group, the principal boy, on making her first entrance, uttered her scene-setting line: “You two thieves come with me – the other 38 wait outside.”

3.  One night an actor dried and started ad-libbing whilst waiting for a prompt – which did not come.  He finally walked over to the prompt who looked up and, with a snarl, simply said “Wrong”!”

4.  The local group had just done a dreadful production of  ‘Dial M for Murder’.  When the review came out the critic wrote. “I saw the play at a great disadvantage – the curtain was up!”

5.  A young man came into the house and said to his parents,  “I’ve got a part in the local group’s play.”  “What part is it?”  asked his mother. “I’m going to play a man who’s been married for 20 years.”  “Well, don’t worry son”,  said his father “perhaps next time, you’ll get a speaking part.”

6.  A local  actress met her priest in the street and gushed “Oh Father O’Reilly, I got the part of the Queen in Snow White and, having looked at myself in the mirror, thought how beautiful I am.  Will I have to do penance?”  “Not at all my child,” replied the priest, “you only have to do penance for a sin, not a mistake.”

7.  A reviewer of a local show went home and his wife asked him if it had a happy ending. “Certainly did,” replied the critic, “everyone was delighted when it was over.”

8.  It was a death bed scene  but the director was dissatisfied with the acting. “Come on,” he cried, “put more life into your dying.”

9. The amateur dramatics society had just finished the first performance of a new show. The cast, as they stood to the applause of their friends and relatives, felt pleased with their efforts.  As the curtain closed the hall was quickly cleared except for one man who sat sobbing in the back row. The director was rather impressed by this and approached him. “It was a rather touching performance” said the director. “Are you a relative of a cast member?”  “No,” sobbed the man, “I’m the author.”

I claim no credit (or indeed responsibility!) for the contents of this article!

I feel that a peep into LMT’s archives is now called for to awaken some of our amusing anecdotes rather than stealing from others (as above)!

Mary J Orton

(On behalf of Last Minute Theatre)